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I will first point out that I did actually read the whole document! The proof is in this statement: those of you who didn’t would have missed the break in the serious and solemn nature Shannon gives with some jokes on the very last page (I have taken the liberty of doing some editing for those more easily offended by politics in the audience):
“An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig up and harvest his potato patch but it was too hard on his arthritic back. His only child was in prison declared a “terrorist” for publishing texts on corruption in the government.
The old man wrote to the child, bemoaning the fact he was no longer able to run his farm alone. The kid wrote back in reply,
“Dear Dad;
For God’s sake, do not dig up the potato patch! That’s where I hid the bodies!”
But since the George Bush regime illegally reads prisoner mail, the FBI was informed about the bodies in the field. The next day a batallion of agents show up at the farm and dig up the potato patch to find nothing but spuds.
The next day the old man received another letter:
“Dear dad;
You can go ahead and enjoy your potatoes now. Under the circumstances that was the best I could do.”
Meanwhile, in the rest of the article, Shannon discusses many topics like why women seem to demand so much and try so hard for the affection of a man using jealousy and mind games (yes YOU do…), while many (such as the “femi-nazis”) hate them. Indeed, his efforts to promote feminism were crudely thrown out in one case simply because he is a man when he tried to donate some audio equipment to an event. Or how “Pee Wee” Herman’s career was destroyed for “playing” with himself during a porno movie, while Madonna does much the same in a music video to a more approving entertainment industry.
Shannon discusses several movies he liked… many were good examples, BTW. Shannon also discusses the many bands he’s performed in and the sad case of how many of the songs were lost in a house fire. And YES, Shannon: Musicians are like women, you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them….
Here we learn much more about the inner workings and life of Shannon Colebanks. It seems that Shannon has cleverly made himself the central character in a real life drama and put it to print over the past several years. What started as a discussion of life in general has turned into a discussion almost exclusively on Him. Shannon constantly threatens to commit suicide but month after month He publishes new ‘zines with the same angst and anger! OK, this is getting long in the tooth, Shannon, let’s either come to the climax or the solution. Many good points are made in the printings but let’s get to the point here.
We find out (all too often) that Shannon is a double Aries, and that he considers his mother a “compulsive liar”. But, Shannon please, enough with the “I am a genius” shtick it’s getting old and I got the point!
Shannon also mentions that we might-as well be performers in the Cirque de Soleil because our life is nothing more than “holding patterns” and “performances”. Well, Shannon, I used to work for the Cirque during one of their tours to Toronto and I found it a very rewarding experience… no I didn’t perform, I worked in the kitchens: feeding the performers, and the people I met were fun and rewarding. I got a small peek at the life in the circus: it was pretty cool and the people are very kind and tolerant! We’d be so lucky if life was like the circus, unfortunately it isn’t. NO: I understood the point of the statement I’m just making a counter argument.
Again, I don’t agree with every perspective Shannon offers of his point of view of life but I understand the frustration he feels. Personally all the “assholes”, “bullies” and “idiots” (you know who you are) in this world should be gathered up and summarily and publicly executed to cleanse the human race of obviously defective genetic codes but judging who is in that category is subjective to each of us and is probably why it hasn’t been done yet. So, to conclude, for those of you who have not yet “peed their pants” over my statements (as Shannon likes to say so often) I will conclude with the other joke at the end of the text:
“Shannon went camping with a friend.Shannon has kindly presented me with a list of items (at my request) that I’ve reviewed. I have apparently missed GTTBT #5. I could have sworn I did review it but cannot find the article. I did find the ‘zine copy however, so I will review it again and reprint a fresh article. I will also send one to Shannon when it is completed; the launch of my new CD/CD-ROM set on the history of Heavy Metal music has delayed my reviewing, I still have CDs submitted to me last Christmas that need reviewing!!
PS> Is it true that Shannon is discontinuing the Whizzbanger Guide to ‘Zine distributors. Say it isn’t so, it became a sort of cult classic.
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